For centuries there existed two iconic enemies on a ghoulish and archaic battlefield: the vampire and the zombie. And as sheer happenstance would have it, the two would oppose forces once again on none other than Spike TV’s Deadliest Warrior. With battle merits in agility, endurance, and overall combative tactics, the two archenemies wait on Deadliest Warrior to crown the victor based on the data they have collected. But aren’t we getting ahead of ourselves here? Allow me to carry you into a tale that cunningly enough brings FUTEK into the mix of this haunting skirmish.
Behind the woodworks of Spike TV’s Deadliest Warrior lay an esteemed group of engineers and analytical experts who use their knowledge to conjure up combative scenarios between two likeminded enemies (i.e. vampires and zombies). Through experimental studies of weaponry, man-to-man combat, and comprehensive battle strategy, this team allots each competitor a numerical value for their expertise in the abovementioned. With these numerical values, the analytics team runs a series of simulations leading to the answer of: “Who will be the deadliest?” But never would FUTEK think that their industrial manufacturing company would find itself performing alongside Hollywood, let alone the possibility of vampires and zombies. But it happened, all on the silver screen.
The matchup begins with honored veterans in both vampire and zombie knowhow joining the Deadliest Warrior crew. After intense debate on the skill sets these two barbaric scavengers posses, it is settled that the predominant tactical values should be based on: the bite delivered by both zombie and vampire, the brute strength of man-to-man combat and the endurance to survive the attack. And thus, the testing began.
(Might I mention that outside “assistance” will be utilized to provide as close to real life results for fantasy scenarios such as this.)
To simulate the ruthless bite of a feverish zombie, Joey, a hefty Rottweiler, was coyly provoked to attack an armor arm oblivious to the fact that FUTEK’s load cell laid amidst his trainer’s arm protection. And so, with a count down of three, two, one, Joey assaulted his padded ally. As hundreds of pounds of force pressed down upon the load cell, FUTEK’s USB SensIT Software detected Joey’s maximum force exerted to be 255 lbs. That’s quite a bite. But how will it compare to that of Sir Dracula?
In the attempt to bring in a source seemingly comparable to that of this apex predator, it only seemed appropriate that another four-legged friend’s assistance be utilized. Yes, an alligator famously known as Ripper was coined with a striking jaw resemblance to that of a vampire. Unlike the tail-wagging Rottweiler, Ripper knew he was at the Deadliest Warrior facilities on official jaw dropping business. And thus, he didn’t hold back as he delivered 1,723 lbs. of force onto a 5,000 lbs. Load Button.
It seems, by comparison, that this duel was an easy feat for the fanged vampire. But there lie other avenues for the zombie to perhaps excel in.
The combative strength of a zombie is fueled by the virus he carries. He is voided of any regard to danger, pain, or weakness, and simply possesses the need to savagely spread the virus to which he was exposed. However, though his physical prowess may be impeccable, is he fast enough to make an efficient kill? This very question was answered by an assembled team of strong men. With the use of their bare hands, they were timed as they ravenously dug through faux vampire flesh, bone, and inners in the hopes of reaching this vamp’s heart. And within two minutes they did. Yet, this retrieval was still no match to the vampire’s gruesome clawed hand thrashing the skull of the zombie and puncturing the brain in less than two seconds time.
Now I will leave some detailing out of this rendition, hoping that you will find yourself eager enough to manage your way into watching this episode in it’s entirety. But I will say this, FUTEK does not consider themselves a member of the screen actors’ guild. But I’m sure they would take a small applause for their performance alongside Joey, Ripper, and the “Deadliest.”